Bindle of Doom
by Gravitas
Summary: When Mordecai and Rigby find a magical hobo bindle in the trash, it only takes a few moments for them to "accidentally" wish Benson to Hobo City. With their paychecks on the line, can they save their boss from the filthy madness? Spec script format.


**A/N:** This is a spec I whipped up for the Regular Show - not sure I like it, so I'll dump it here for now while I contemplate/work on Adventure Time and MLP:FiM specs. If you can stand to read script, give me a yell if you can imagine it being produced; that's always a good sign, what with the whole "spec" part and all. Lastly, sorry about the formatting. It's bogus, I know.

FADE IN:

EXT. garbage dump - day

A park cart, laden down with a massive, garbage-weeping garbage bag on the roof, comes to a SCREECHING halt. MORDECAI and RIGBY step out and are immediately overcome by the horrid stench of the garbage dump.

MORDECAI  
>Aw, dude! This is nasty.<p>

Rigby pinches his nose.

RIGBY  
>(nasal)<br>This is worse than the time Muscle Man and  
>High Five Ghost ate those enchanted burritos.<p>

Mordecai shudders at the memory.

MORDECAI  
>I never knew the ethereal could be so foul.<p>

Rigby walks over to stand beside the cart. The garbage bag on the roof is so heavy it's drooping dangerously over the side.

Rigby  
>Let's just dump this thing and go.<p>

Rigby Grabs at the corner and pulls with all his might.

RIGBY  
>Rrrr!<p>

Mordecai reaches out to stop Rigby-

MORDECAI  
>Dude, stop! You're going to-<p>

-But Rigby TEARS the black bag open, covering himself completely in a CASCADING AVALANCHE of putrid, discarded filth. The filth is motionless, then a dirty Rigby EXPLODES from it, GASPING for air!

RIGBY  
>AAaaaaagh!<p>

Mordecai takes a step back, shielding himself from the spray of garbage.

MORDECAI  
>(disgusted)<br>Aw, sick!

Rigby desperately tries to wipe the film garbage off of himself...

RIGBY  
>Get! Off! Why! Won't! You! Come! OFF?<p>

...But to no avail.

MORDECAI  
>Man, that is never coming off.<p>

Rigby throws his arms in the air, furious and defeated.

RIGBY  
>This blows!<p>

MORDECAI  
>Hey, could you throw that garbage out? You<br>know, considering you're already covered in it.

Rigby glares and steams.

RIGBY  
>Fine.<p>

He points an accusing finger.

RIGBY (CONT'D)  
>But you owe me!<p>

Mordecai cuts a wide birth around the stinky Rigby.

MORDECAI  
>Sure dude, whatever.<p>

Rigby MUTTERS and GRUMBLES as he swoops up the garbage with his arms, collecting it into a ball and stumbling towards the bigger garbage piles.

RIGBY  
>(under his breath)<br>...Stupid garbage. 'Go throw out the garbage,  
>Rigby. You're already covered in it.' Why don't<br>you throw yourself out, garbage? Wish you would...

Rigby's ball of garbage LEAPS from his hands!

RIGBY (CONT'D)  
>Wha-?<p>

Rigby's fur - coated in filth - angles in the same direction! Yanking. Tugging.

RIGBY (CONT'D)  
>Ah! Ow!<p>

Rigby's fur RIPS OFF, flying up in the air.

The fur swirls up into a massive rotating ring of trash. The garbage halo spins and floats, then funnels itself down into the mounds of the garbage dump.

Close on Rigby, Waist-up

Rigby stands, furless and slowly reddening.

RIGBY  
>aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHH!<p>

AERIAL VIEW, Rigby's scream vibrates the mounds around him!

We ZOOM OUT. Rigby's scream is shaking the entire garbage dump, sending seagulls scattering!

We ZOOM OUT TO THE MAX, getting a nice look at the entirety city as Rigby's scream slowly dies out.

Back On Rigby

Rigby's mouth is still open, eyes bugging out and tongue waving, but only the slightest STRANGLED GASP rattles its way out of his throat. Mordecai runs up behind Rigby.

MORDECAI  
>Dude, what-<p>

Rigby turns, and we truck out a little to see his naked butt. Mordecai quickly covers his face, horrified.

MORDECAI  
>Aw! You're naked!<p>

RIGBY  
>I'm always naked!<p>

MORDECAI  
>Yeah, but you're double-naked!<br>Put on some pants or something!

Rigby gestures down at himself, off camera.

RIGBY  
>I wish I had pants or something<br>_to_ put on! But I don't now, do I?

A pair of very raggedy, very dirty, very loud Hawaiian suspenders magically materialize on Rigby.

Mordecai and Rigby both stare at the Hawaiian suspenders in confused awe. Mordecai's face falls, and he stares Rigby in the eye.

MORDECAI  
>Dude, I told you to tell me<br>if you found another genie!

RIGBY  
>I didn't find another one!<p>

Mordecai stares at Rigby, disbelieving.

RIGBY  
>I swear!<p>

Mordecai retains his stare.

Rigby throws his arms up.

RIGBY  
>I was gathering up the garbage,<p>

Rigby mimes gathering garbage.

RIGBY (CONT'D)  
>Then I took it over h-<p>

Rigby takes a few steps, carrying the mime-garbage, and trips.

RIGBY  
>Ow!<p>

Rigby comes up, rubbing his head.

RIGBY (CONT'D)  
>Hey, what's...?<p>

He reaches down, picking up a HOBO BINDLE affixed to a stick with three red knots - and two un-knotted loops of red string.

RIGBY  
>A bindle?<p>

Mordecai plucks the Hobo Bindle from Rigby.

He holds it up to his face (but not too close), and examines it.

MORDECAI  
>Why didn't you throw this out?<p>

RiGBY  
>I don't know, I wished the <em>rest<em> of the trash away...

Mordecai's eyes widen in comprehension.

MORDECAI  
>Then you wished for pants!<p>

Mordecai points to the two un-knotted loops of red string.

MORDECAI (CONT'D)  
>So we used two,<p>

He moves his finger up to the three knots.

MORDECAI (CONT'D)  
>And we've got three left.<p>

Mordecai and Rigby pump their fists into the air.

MORDECAI & RIGBY  
>Bindle geeeeenieeee!<p>

They high five.

Mordecai puts a hand on Rigby's naked shoulder.

MORDECAI  
>We can wish for anything, dude.<br>Absolutely anything. Anything... at... a-

Mordecai cradles the Hobo Bindle to his chest, eyes bugged completely out.

MORDECAI (CONT'D)  
>(rushed, exited)<br>I wish for a date with Margaret!

A flash of light engulfs Mordecai in an electric SNAP! Rigby covers his face in surprise.

RIGBY  
>Ack!<p>

The Hobo Bindle falls to the ground at Rigby's feet.

INT. SOMEWHERE GREY - MOMENTS LATER

Mordecai SNAPS back into reality, sitting at a nice-enough table. A little candle sits, lit, in the middle of the table flanked by napkins. The background is a nondescript grey. MARGARET SNAPS into the seat across from Mordecai. Margaret, in barista uniform, looks around, confused and a little scared.

MARGARET  
>Wha-?<p>

MORDECAI  
>(thrilled)<br>Margaret!

MARGARET  
>Mordecai? Where-?<p>

Mordecai reaches over the table, taking Margaret's hands in his.

MORDECAI  
>It's okay! I wished us here with<br>a bindle genie so I could finally-

Margaret turns on Mordecai, angry.

MARGARET  
>You wished me to a <em>soup kitchen<em>?

We truck out...

INT. SOUP KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

...To reveal a bustling soup kitchen, crawling with CRAZY, MUTTERING hobos!

A particularly NASTY HOBO slides up too-close to Margaret.

NASTY HOBO  
>Hey baby.<p>

Margaret leaps out of her seat, recoiling in disgust from the filthy man.

MARGARET  
>Agh!<p>

She shoots a furious glance at Mordecai, and STORMS out of the soup kitchen.

Mordecai flinches as the door SLAMS O.C.. Limp, Mordecai lets his face THUD on the table. He doesn't move for a beat. Hobos of all shapes and sizes slowly circle around him.

Mordecai jumps to his feet, arms and face up and cursing the sky.

MORDECAI  
>(a la "Khan")<br>BIIIIIINDLE!

INT. PARK HOUSE LIVING ROOM - DAY

Mordecai kicks the door open with a BANG!

MORDECAI  
>Rigby!<p>

Mordecai points a dramatic finger.

MORDECAI (CONT'D)  
>Stop!<p>

Rigby, lounging on the couch with a ham sandwich, halts mid-bite. He's still in his tattered Hawaiian suspenders The Hobo Bindle rests next to him.

Mordecai comes up behind the couch. He points at the Bindle, but dares not touch it.

MORDECAI  
>That bindle is evil, dude. It's like<br>the monkey's paw. Except a bindle.

RIGBY  
>The monkey's bindle?<p>

MORDECAI  
>Exactly!<p>

The Hobo's Bindle only has one knot remaining!

Mordecai gasps and recoils.

MORDECAI  
>Dude, you made another wish!<p>

Rigby chews on his ham sandwich.

RIGBY  
>Oh, yeah.<p>

Bits of sandwich fly out of Rigby's mouth as he talks.

RIGBY (CONT'D)  
>I totally did.<p>

MORDECAI  
>What did you wish for?<p>

Rigby gesticulates with his half-eaten sandwich.

RIGBY  
>Well, when I got back...<p>

INT. PARK HOUSE LIVING ROOM - THE PAST!

Rigby walks into the living room, carrying the bindle. He's casually WHISHING A TUNE, not a care in the world.

BENSON (O.S.)  
>RIGBY!<p>

Rigby stops mid-whistle.

BENSON stalks up to him, red in the face.

BENSON (CONT'D)  
>You are four hours late? How does taking out the<br>garbage take- Are those suspenders from  
>the trash? Why are you wearing suspenders?<p>

Rigby SCOFFS.

RIGBY  
>Because <em>otherwise<em> I'd be naked. Duh.

BENSON  
>But you're always naked! Argh! Whatever!<br>Just get Mordecai and clean the bathrooms!

Rigby scowls in disgust.

RIGBY  
>Aw, I just got off trash duty! I don't<br>want to deal with more nastiness!

Benson prods Rigby in the chest.

BENSON  
>Well too bad! As long as I'm here, you're doing it.<p>

Rigby's eyes narrow. Slowly, a smile spreads across his face as he turns to look at the Hobo Bindle he's carrying.

RIGBY  
>Well then, I wish you were somewhere else.<p>

Benson frowns, getting progressively angrier.

BENSON  
>Tough. I'm here, so DO-<p>

A train EXPLODES though the wall, WHISTLING and GRINDING to a sharp halt behind Benson.

Benson looks up at the black steel monstrosity and the deep grey freight car immediately in front of him.

BENSON  
>What the h-?<p>

The door SLEEEKS open! Four hobos grab Benson and pull him into the darkness of the freight car. The door SLAMS shut, and the train CHUGS away, BREAKING another hole in the wall.

Rigby watches the train depart.

RIGBY  
>Sweet.<p>

INT. PARK HOUSE LIVING ROOM - PRESENT

Mordecai stares, unbelieving, at a proud Rigby. We truck out a little. Mordecai's eyes flick to the two massive entry and exit holes in the wall. A bit of insulation falls out of the hole. Mordecai's eyes flick back to Rigby.

MORDECAI  
>(flat)<br>You sent Benson away.

RIGBY  
>Yup.<p>

MORDECAI  
>Where?<p>

Rigby shrugs.

RIGBY  
>Beats me. Who cares?<p>

Mordecai pinches the bridge of his beak in frustration.

MORDECAI  
>We care, because<br>(yelling)  
>Benson's the one who pays us, dude!<p>

Rigby's eyes widen at the revelation.

MORDECAI (CONT'D)  
>No Benson, no money!<p>

RIGBY  
>Aw crap.<p>

Mordecai puts his hands up, motioning that everything is still all right.

MORDECAI  
>It's okay, it's okay. We can just-<p>

Rigby leaps off the couch, clutching the Hobo Bindle.

RIGBY  
>Of course! I wish we knew where Benson was!<p>

Rigby stands, proud and posed, for a beat.

MORDECAI  
>(frustrated)<br>We can just _wish him back_.

Rigby deflates a little.

RIGBY  
>Oh. Yeah, that would have made more sense.<p>

The last knot on the Hobo Bindle undoes itself.

The far door to the outside CREAKS open slowly. Mordecai and Rigby watch it slowly swing outwards, to reveal:

The GUIDING HOBO, dressed in white rags and with a grey beard that covers all but his eyes. The Guiding Hobo motions with a single finger, beckoning Mordecai and Rigby to follow.

Mordecai and Rigby look at each other. Mordecai shrugs, and walks to the Guiding Hobo. Rigby follows, grabbing the used-up Hobo Bindle.

EXT. PARK - DAY

SKIPS, minding his own business, rakes leaves into a nice, neat pile.

A branch SNAPS O.S., and Skips turns to the sound.

The Guiding Hobo leads Mordecai and Rigby onwards, right by Skips. Skips stares at them, a little bit put off.

SKIPS  
>Why are you two following a homeless man?<p>

MORDECAI  
>Because Rigby wished Benson away with a magical hobo bindle.<p>

RIGBY  
>I said I was sorry!<p>

MORDECAI  
>No you didn't!<p>

The Guiding Hobo is moving on ahead. He turns, and beckons once more.

Skips looks from the Guiding Hobo, back at Mordecai and Rigby.

SKIPS  
>Magic bindle, you say?<p>

MORDECAI  
>Yeah.<p>

SKIPS  
>Lemme see.<p>

Rigby tries to hand Skips the Hobo Bindle, but Skips doesn't take it. Skips leans down and examines it from a semi-safe distance.

SKIPS  
>Hmm. Looks magic all right.<p>

MORDECAI  
>Have you seen anything like it?<p>

Skips stands up straight.

SKIPS  
>No. Homeless people freak me out.<p>

The Guiding Hobo beckons again.

SKIPS  
>Good luck with that.<p>

Skips goes back to raking leaves. Mordecai and Rigby watch him, perplexed, before walking away.

MONTAGE

1) The Guiding Hobo leads Mordecai and Rigby past the CITY LIMITS...

2) ...Through a BLISTERING DESERT under the midday sun...

3) ...Across a busy HIGHWAY - one that the Guiding hobo has no difficulty with, but proves near-fatal for Mordecai and Rigby...

4) ...Through a RAGING BLIZZARD; the Guiding Hobo is untouched by the chill winds, but Mordecai and Rigby are half-frozen, with icicles hanging off every part of them.

5) ...And finally up a steep incline to the peak of a mountain.

EXT. MOUNTAIN - DUSK

Mordecai and Rigby drag themselves up the incline, PANTING and sweating. They finally crest the peek, and their eyes widen and jaws go slack in awe.

We TILT DOWN to see a sprawling HOBO METROPOLIS! There are cardboard-box skyscrapers and paper-bag monuments.

EXT. HOBO CITY - DUSK

A myriad of HOBO CITIZENS stumble and limp through the dirty streets in their tattered clothing.

We PAN ACROSS to a large shanty building labeled CITY HALL.

INT. HOBO CITY HALL - CONTINUOUS

A semicircular room is filled with hobos in varying levels of dirty formal dress. They all look to a hobo sitting behind a podium. A tiny plaque (made of cardboard and written on in marker) reads MAYOR.

The assembled hobos cry out POLITICAL HOBO WALLA; which is composed primarily of nondescript shouting and calls for CHANGE!

The HOBO MAYOR contemplates.

EXT. MOUNTAIN- DUSK

Mordecai and Rigby are still in awe.

RIGBY  
>Whoa...<p>

MORDECAI  
>An entire city of hobos.<p>

Rigby wrinkles his nose.

RiGBY  
>Smells awful. Let's leave.<p>

Rigby turns to walk away, but Mordecai reaches over and grabs his shoulder.

MORDECAI  
>No dude, we have to save Benson.<p>

Mordecai clenches his free fist.

MORDECAI (CONT'D)  
>(determined)<br>For our paychecks.

Rigby SIGHS, and raises a half-hearted fist.

RIGBY  
>For our paychecks...<p>

EXT. HOBO CITY - LATER

The Guiding Hobo effortlessly leads Mordecai and Rigby through the bustling dirt streets. The hobos stare at Mordecai as he passes, silently judging his lack of tattered clothing.

MORDECAI  
>Dude, why are they staring at me like that?<p>

RIGBY  
>Probably because you don't have these sweet duds.<p>

Rigby slips his thumbs under his suspender's straps, and lets them SNAP back against himself.

Mordecai and Rigby come to a sudden stop, BUMPING into the Guiding Hobo's back.

The Guiding Hobo points... to a dirty and hobo-ified version of the park! It's clear that he goes no further.

Mordecai and Rigby walk around him, and into the Hobo Park.

EXT. HOBO PARK - MOMENTS LATER

The resemblance to the normal park is uncanny. The grass may be brown, and the benches falling apart, and the snack bar made of cardboard, but it all gives off an air of familiarity.

MORDECAI  
>Dude...<p>

RIGBY  
>I know, man. This is freaking me right out.<p>

Mordecai and Rigby (with bindle) walk up to the hobo version of the Park House. It's made of dirt and sticks, but the similarity remains.

MORDECAI  
>Do you think...?<p>

Rigby looks around, inexplicable confused.

RIGBY  
>Do you hear that?<p>

MORDECAI  
>Hear wh-?<p>

BENSON (O.S.)  
>Idiots!<p>

Mordecai and Rigby light up, quest finally coming to fruition.

MORDECAI & RIGBY  
>Benson!<p>

Mordecai and Rigby run around the side of the house-

-And run smack into two brown lumps!

Mordecai and Rigby fall back. Rigby lands flat and unmoving on his back, while Mordecai collapses on his butt.

MORDECAI  
>Ow, what did- did...?<p>

Mordecai's face goes slack in shock, staring O.S.. Rigby sits up, rubbing his head.

RIGBY  
>Aw, weak.<p>

Rigby looks at Mordecai.

RIGBY  
>What're you freaking out-<p>

Rigby turns to where Mordecai is staring.

RIGBY (CONT'D)  
>(high, squeaky)<br>...About.

Across from Mordecai and Rigby sit their tattered and messy hobo counterparts: MORDEBOND and DRIFTY! And they're in equal states of shock!

From around the edge of the building steps a foot. A distressingly clean foot. We PAN UP to reveal... Benson! Normal, not-hobo Benson!

MORDECAI  
>B-Benson?<p>

Benson crosses his arms, obviously unimpressed with Mordecai and Rigby.

BENSON  
>Oh. It's you two.<p>

Mordecai and Rigby scramble to their feet. Mordebond and Drifty do the same.

Mordebond grabs Mordecai!

MORDEBOND  
>Ya' have to get him away from us!<p>

Mordecai tries to shake his homeless doppelganger off of him, but Mordebond hangs on tight.

MORDEBOND (CONT'D)  
>We can't take the <em>work<em>!

Benson SIGHS.

BENSON  
>These two are even lazier than you<br>two! I didn't think it was even possible.

Mordecai brushes Mordebond off of him.

MORDECAI  
>Okay, okay! Geez.<p>

He turns to Benson.

MORDECAI (CONT'D)  
>We're here to bring you back home.<p>

Benson frowns.

BENSON  
>And you think I want to stay here with these-<p>

He gestures to Mordebond and Drifty.

BENSON (CONT'D)  
>-<em>you<em>.

MORDECAI & RIGBY & MORDEBOND & DRIFTY  
>Hey!<p>

BENSON  
>We're stuck here.<p>

MORDECAI  
>Why? By who?<p>

Benson gestures O.S.

BENSON  
>Hobo police.<p>

Two hulking, hunchbacked, mean-looking HOBO POLICE stand in the middle of the park.

The uglier of the two points to his eyes, then at the us. He's _watching you_.

Mordecai and Rigby stare at the Hobo Police, eyes wide. Mordecai turns to Benson.

MORDECAI  
>Don't worry. I've got a plan.<p>

Off on Mordecai's sneaky expression...

EXT. HOBO CITY - NIGHT

Mordecai, Rigby (still with bindle), and Benson run, SCREAMING. We truck out; the entire Hobo City police force is hot on their heels!

BENSON  
>Okay! What's the plan?<p>

MORDECAI  
>(panting)<br>This... is... the plan!

BENSON  
>What?<p>

A Hobo Policeman gains on Benson, and takes a SWIPE at him with a wooden stick/billy club!

BENSON  
>This is a terrible plan!<p>

A hand sweeps from O.S., WHIZZING by Rigby's head.

RIGBY  
>Just run!<p>

EXT. MOUNTAIN - LATER

Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson clamber over the crest of the mountain, running down the slope as the Hobo Police flow over the peak like a tidal wave.

MONTAGE

1) Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson run back through the raging blizzard...

2) ...They dodge traffic across the highway...

3) ...shuffle desperately through the desert...

EXT. PARK HOUSE - DAWN

...And finally collapse face-down in front of the house, exhausted and half-dead.

RIGBY  
>Did... we... luh-lose... them?<p>

Mordecai rolls, GROANING, onto his back, looking face-up.

The entire shot is filled with angry-looking, blistered, iced, and tread-marked Hobo Police.

Mordecai can't gather the strength to even look surprised.

MORDECAI  
>Nope.<p>

The Hobo Police GROWL.

BENSON  
>Have to admit, never thought I'd be killed by hobos.<p>

RIGBY  
>I did.<p>

BENSON  
>Really?<p>

RIGBY  
>I like to be prepared.<p>

BENSON  
>Well, I still hate you.<p>

The Hobo Police reach down at us, until their filthy hands engulf the shot.

MORDECAI  
>WAIT!<p>

The hobo hands stop.

Mordecai EXPLODES from the center of a cluster of Hobo Police, holding the magic bindle high above his head.

MORDECAI  
>Grovel, hobos, for I possess the Magic Bindle!<p>

The sun shines behind the bindle, haloing it in light.

The Hobo Police stare up in awe.

HOBO POLICE  
>(in awe)<br>The bindle!/He has it/I thought  
>it was lostChange?/But how?

Mordecai grins.

MORDECAI  
>Yeah! That's right! Awe! Now back away<br>before I wish you all... poorer, or something.

Rigby and Benson get up, standing behind Mordecai.

RIGBY  
>Good thinking, Mordecai!<p>

Mordecai nods.

RIGBY (CONT'D)  
>But didn't we run out of wishes?<p>

Mordecai kicks Rigby.

MORDECAI  
>Dude, they didn't know that!<p>

Turning back to face the Hobo Police...

...we see a sea of angry, filthy faces.

MORDECAI  
>(nervous)<br>Heh. Heh Heh. Magic bindle?

A hairy hand whips from O.S. and snatches the bindle from Mordecai's hands.

Hobo hands quickly tie the five red knots on the bindle.

A Hobo Policeman holds the bindle high in the air.

HOBO POLICEMAN  
>Home.<p>

A train CHUGS in from nowhere, forcing Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson to leap back as it SCREECHES to a halt in front of them, almost running them over. It completely blocks the mass of Hobo Police from view.

The train GRINDS away, leaving nothing but a rut in its wake and an empty field - no hobos in sight.

Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson stand, stunned.

BENSON  
>I have no idea what just happened, but I'm just<br>going to call you guys idiots and walk away. Okay?

Mordecai and Rigby limply nod.

MORDECAI  
>Yeah.<p>

Rigby  
>Sounds good.<p>

BENSON  
>Idiots.<p>

Benson walks away.

RIGBY  
>Wait, we could just tie the knots back on?<p>

Rigby lets out a SHOUT OF INDIGNATION.

RIGBY (CONT'D)  
>We could have had infinite wishes!<p>

MORDECAI  
>Infinite hobo wishes, dude. Not worth it.<p>

RIGBY  
>Pfft, says you. I could have had<br>a whole closet full of these babies!

Rigby hula hoops in his suspenders, SNAPPING the straps repeatedly.

Rigby stops in mid-gyration as the pants RIP and peel off him like a banana.

RIGBY  
>(deadpan)<br>Let's just go inside.

Fade OUT.


End file.
